Owner: So, Polly, would you like a cracker?
Polly: (squawk) Please don’t patronize me.
Owner: Why, Polly, whatever do you mean?
Polly: The cliché is both demoralizing and ignorant. (squawk)
Owner: Wow. Those are mighty big words, Polly. Where did you learn them?
Polly (stretching wings, hopping sideways on perch): Through time-consuming vocal training as taught by you.
Owner: Does that mean you simply repeat the words without an comprehension of the meaning?
Polly: Yes, I suspect so.
Owner: Do you know what you are saying now?
Polly (nibbling at wing with tip of beak): No.
Owner: Then how are you able to answer my questions?
Polly: Once again, through rigorous training exercises a la Pavlov. My love for (squawk) sustenance assists greatly in the matter.
Owner (giving the parrot a few pellets of unknown treat): Don’t underestimate yourself. Your intelligence is quite obviously head and shoulders above other birds.
Polly: No, sir. Any monkey could do it.
Owner: Quite the contrary. Monkeys do not and cannot speak in the manner you do.
Polly: What are you saying?
Owner: That you are special.
Polly: I am merely doing as I am trained (squawk).
Owner: Come now. Are you inferring that if I were to ask a question not yet learned in your exercises, you would be unable to reply?
Polly (bobbing head randomly): Yes.
Owner: Interesting. Do you have a girlfriend?
Polly (hopping on side of cage and sliding down the bars toward water dish): I don’t know what that means?
Owner: But you do understand the question?
Polly: No. (sips water with pencil-thick gray tongue)
Owner: Then how were you able to answer?
Polly: I was trained to reply accordingly at that particular juncture.
Owner: Very intriguing. Well, thank you for your time. You have enlightened us all.
Polly: Hardly. You are a buffoon.
Owner: Thank you for your time.